Jokes #3
A guy walks into his doctor's office with a carrot stuck in his
ear and an asparagus spear dangling from his nostril. "Doctor, I
feel terrible," he says. "What's wrong with me?" "I'm not sure,"
says the doctor, "but I can tell you're not eating right.
A duck walks into a 7-11, and asks, Duck: "Do you have any grapes?"
Clerk: "No, we don't carry grapes. This is a 7-11." The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks into the 7-11. Duck: "Do you have any
grapes?" Clerk: "No, I told you yesterday we don't have grapes!
This is a 7-11!" The duck leaves. Again on the third day, the duck
walks into the 7-11. Duck: "Do you have any grapes?" Clerk: "No,
I've told you twice before we don't have grapes! If you come in
here tomorrow and ask for grapes, I'll nail your feet to the floor!"
The duck leaves. The fourth day, the duck walks into the 7-11 and
asks, Duck: "Do you have any nails?" Clerk: "No! This is a 7-11,
we don't carry nails!" Duck: "Do you have any grapes?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
Reading the nutritional information on a jar of pickles the other
day, I noticed that the serving size was "3/4 of a pickle". Huh?
How did they arrive at that? Did they want to make their numbers
look better? Who eats 3/4 of a pickle?
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but
they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots
in the world. Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in
the front?
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler,
I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler
replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the
University will allow me to award."
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone
wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than
one night." -- Charlie Brown, Peanuts [Charles Schulz]
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