For anyone who has ever felt that they're not good enough

Abbie Todd, age 15, England

Monday

I have just one small question: WHY? Why does a room go silent when she enters, eyes gazed up in awe, mouths open in admiration, anxiously anticipating the next witty comment to fly out of her rosebud mouth? Why does she have the ability to bowl over every single boy in the school with her seductive, golden hair, her flawless pale face, and her stunning, skinny legs? Why can't she just walk down a corridor without being greeted with a series of his or "I'll see you tonight's"? or "You alright Keely's?" WHY?

I go through this routine every night on the way home from school, just trying to figure what it is about her that I haven't got. OK, so I may have an extreme case of acne, a severe cellulite problem, and I turn into a useless, quivering dummy every time I have to talk in front of the class, but so! Does that really make me so un-dateable? I am serious when I say that there is not one guy I know that isn't totally obsessed with her! Not that I know many guys, except for the usual geeks - people who spend their lunch times quivering in the library, trying to avoid being bowled over by a member of the football team, but hey! they're practically not even guys, so I guess they don't really count.

What is my problem? Every time I even start to think about her, I just have this sudden urge to be violently sick. As it happens, I normally end up hurling squeaky toys at my dog, who now simply cowers in a corner every time I walk through the door! My mum has decided that I'm a complete psycho after coming into my room last week to find me stabbing holes through her picture in last years class photo, and my brother is afraid to even mention her name, after last time when I went completely mental after finding out that he had a picture of her hidden under his bed!

And it's not as if she's just some typical blonde bimbo. She is smart as well, much smarter than me. The teachers can't get enough of her, it's all "Keely lets hear your essay," or "Keely, could you just explain quadratic equations to the other pupils, I think they're having difficulty with it," or "Keely, the principal wants to see you. You've got another commendation."

Of course, no one else has a problem with her. Shelly says that I'm turning into some kind of infatuated freak, and Dawn can't see anything wrong with her. Well she wouldn't-she has the legs, the confidence, the smile, damn near everything! (except for the tiny issue of a brain)! Dawn already has a date for the May Ball,. Although hanging with me officially classes her as a dork, she still manages to get a date from the football team, along with two other offers.

And what about me? you may ask. Zilch, nothing, zip. The story of my life. Dawn says that there's still time to get a date, and that there's bound to be someone who asks me. Yeah, right. I'll probably end up going with Frank! Frank and I have been friends for years now, and he's such a nice person, but going to the Ball with him? Gross!

God knows how many offers Keely's had. She's probably sifting through a mountain of written proposals now!

I'm feeling really rotten right now. My acne has, for some reason, decided to explode in the few weeks before the May Ball, which is great. Real great. I, at present, look like a demented pizza, and my legs are looking just as fat as ever. It appears that my crash diet to get me a date for the Ball isn't working as I just had a severe pigging out session when I got back from school. What can I say? I medically needed chocolate!

Tuesday

He spoke to me! Oh my God he spoke to me! I can't believe he even knows my name! This is Dave I'm talking about, by the way, just in case you're wondering. Oh my God, my face must've gone soooo red, I could feel it burning up when he spoke to me! It must've done wonders for my acne! But he spoke to me! I have liked him for four years, and he's never spoken to me before, but today he spoke to me! I'm so excited! OK, so he only asked to borrow a rubber, but that isn't the point! He acknowledged my existence, which definitely means that I have a chance in going to the Ball with him, right?

This is so good, I haven't moaned about Keely once all day, after he spoke to me, except when she won an achievement prize and then I just couldn't help but make puking noises at Shelly! Anyway, I've got to go now. Gotta go and phone Dawn, Oh I can't imagine what she'll say!

Wednesday

I think I've calmed down now. My stomach has at least stopped doing somersaults every time I think about it. I mean Dave Norris, speaking to me! He also speaks to Keely, which is hard for me. Just seeing him talk to her makes my hairs bristle! The way he acts around her, fawning upon her like every other guy in the school. But he's different, special. He won't ask her to the May Ball, I mean, she must have had so many offers, and it's not like he's the best looking boy in the school, (almost.)