What I Want

Angela Ko, 15, Canada

Many people seem to understand what they want out of life -- success, friendship, fame, love. Until recently, I was living my life in the past, trying to hold on to memories of last year and somewhat reassured with things that I was positive would never change. This year was the year that I started high school.

Things were indeed overwhelming to take in all at once, but with the nagging thoughts of the school I left behind haunting me at all times, things were even harder. It is much harder to accept change when you are not willing to change yourself -- it's just unfortunate that it took me a whole year to realize that.

I was trying to hold on to the past, always talking about what would have happened on a particular day a year ago....just ask my former best friend...I'm pretty sure she would agree that all our conversations always ended with what I had done in grade eight. It was those little things that I would be thinking about before I fell asleep at night and it was over those little memories that I'd often cry, as I knew I would never experience them again.

Now I understand what I want out of life. I know that it is not my memories that I want to re-live, nor my lost best friend to regain. I know now that I don't want revenge for the times that my ex-best friend betrayed me or to change the way things could have been.

I do know now that I want my life to reflect what my parents have taught me. I want to understand the future, and learn to keep memories as memories. Times change, and to keep up, I too must change. I know now that there is love meant for me. Seeing my mother cry for me taught me that, and I embrace those feelings for which she wept for me, since I know what I want...to live.