Outsider

Raven Darksbane, 15

Many of us feel like outsiders at times...I know I do. I am not truly popular, and I have never had a girlfriend, and I'm 15. I don't have many friends, maybe two or three and that's all. I'm fairly secretive, and often appear cold when people first see me, but I usually try to be cold.

I often feel an outsider, because I usually am by myself, and because no female ever pays much attentoin to me. I am rather smart, one of the smarter kids if you ask me. I believe that I choose to be an outsider. It is kind of a choice in careers: some people wouldn't choose it, but I did.

I've always hated most people, or at least appeared to. I cover up everything I ever feel by talk of suicide, the Antichrist, and some bands (Garbage + Marilyn Manson). My choice color is black, and it is about the only color I wear. I look good in black, because I have black hair, but my skin is rather pale, since I spend so little time outside.

But being an outsider isn't so bad, other then not being invited to parties, not having a girlfriend, not being welcomed at some tables at lunch, and that type of stuff, it isn't too bad. I find that I can trust no one but myself. I also seem to suffer from depression, so I am often sad, depressed, and very moody.

I also like to lose myself in role-playing chats on the Net, because they let me forget my problems, and pretend I am another person...and have a wife or a lover or something like that...and that I have the ability to destroy people...I also often think of suicide...nothing really important.. just a random thought I have a lot.

I'm saying that being the outsider isn't such a bad thing. I've survived 15 years as one, and will survive a lot longer, if I can manage to not slash my wrists. I may not have a grrlfriend, or may not be in the popular crowd, but I am what I am, I have accepted that.... Now I'm sure any psychiatrist would have a field day with me.. But none of them have made me a couch jockey yet! Well I will say my farewells, leave you a poem to remember me by, just in case I decide to not write anything anymore....

Inner Demons
Demons deep down in your soul,
The manifest of hate,
Tear you apart,
Make you go mad,
They come from your mind,
They are made from your torment,
Ripping you apart until you can stand it no more,
They torment you and when they finally get to you,
You welcome death and the demons move on.

--Raven Darksbane--

As Far from God as Heaven is wide, As Far from God as Angels can fly-- Garbage