My colorless tears

by Treasure Lindahl, 15, US

My colorless tears disappeared as they hit my lightly colored pillow. The one person I admired was now gone. "How could this be?" I screamed. "I just saw her last week. She can't be gone; I didn't even get to say good-bye," I whispered to myself.

Then I remembered, tonight was my rehearsal for my recital, which was only three days away. There was no way I was going! I threw my beautiful tap shoe across the room. "I can't go!" Her sweet words echoed in my mind: The show must go on, no matter what. "But", I said softly with my lips trembling, "it will be the first time in five years that I won't see your smile before I go on stage."

My mind fled back to last year's recital. I remembered her standing there with her headset. She was silently waiting for the go signal so she could tell me to begin. Finally she said "Go".

I asked, "What if I make a mistake?" She smiled at me and said, "You won't, now go."

My mind suddenly jerked back into reality. She was gone forever. As I sat up, my tears dropped on my hands. The same hands she had showed me how to position just right. I looked at my thumb. There it was, the small scar. The same scar that I had gotten when someone stepped on my hand with a tap shoe after I had tripped and fallen. The scar and the memories were still there but why wasn't she? The memories came flooding back as tears stung my eyes. My precious tap teacher was never coming back. I sat there wishing to have just one more moment with her. Even if she was yelling at me to dance on my toes or to hold my arms up. I still remember her words, "Girls, your arms please!" Almost as if it were God talking, the class's tired arms would return to their positions.

I got up from my bed, I felt like I would collapse right there, but to my relief I didn't. I pulled my costumes out of my closet. As I ran my finger over the blue sequins, I thought that maybe this was a dream.

I packed up my black dance bag making sure not to forget my bear. It was my prized possession now. Tears I so desperately wanted to hide once again came flooding back to my eyes. There was a tap shoelace tied around his neck. The tap shoelace had belonged to my tap teacher. She had given it to me at my first recital when I had lost my own. It was priceless to me now.

I came out of my room, and looked sorrowfully at my parents and said "Well, what are we waiting for?"

When we arrived I got dressed and ready to dance. As I walked out onto the stage, my eyes stared into the rows of seats. I thought that maybe, just maybe I would see her smiling face. To my disappointment she wasn't there. The music began, and I danced as the moves ran through my head. When the music stopped, I realized that even though she wasn't there I could still dance. Once again I could hear her talking, "If you know the dance step, your feet will move effortlessly."

I realized that I didn't need her to dance. My heart was broken and I cried "No, no this isn't happening, I need her, I know I do." I touched my face only to realize my colorless tears were washing away my make-up.

In my head I knew she was gone, but my heart knew that the memories of her would be here forever.

R.I.P Lois Camire 6-14-00